Due date

Today would have been my due date had I not miscarried in April. 

I feel like I was much more sad last night than I am today. I mentioned that Thai Flavors sounded good last night, so Erik suggested I get some. I ordered over the phone and drove there to get it. On my way home I started thinking of what could have been and, it was probably a sad song on the radio that pushed me over the edge, I lost it. I was sobbing, driving up E 14th St. I'm glad it was dark. I managed to stop crying by the time I got home and made my face look like I hadn't been crying and went inside with my food. I tried to share my feast with Stella, but she didn't like the "green sauce". She nibbled on some rice and ran off to play with daddy. I sat alone eating my dinner trying to feel normal, but I couldn't. I ate way too much and felt like shit afterward. When I'd cleaned up, I went to snuggle with Erik on the couch. He must have noticed me being so quiet because he hugged me. 

I believe everything happens for a reason. I didn't used to believe this, but now that I'm (kind of) grown up and have had a few trying experiences; I believe. We went through some stuff around then and times were tough. We came out on top and stronger than ever. 

I kind of lost my train of thought with this.. so I'll have to come back later and finish.