Heart beat

I finally made a recording of baby Goose's heart beat :) I wish I'd have done that with Stella. 

*The video is supposed to be dark. Intended for listening only. Make sure your volume is turned up.

15 week update

15 weeks

138 pounds

I can eat! Anything and everything, mostly. I still don't really want meat, but it's not revolting! I definitely have to stay on top of eating. If I don't eat about every 2 or 3 hours I get very sick. Last night it had been about 3 and a half hours and we were in the car going to get food and I started feeling it. Thankfully we'd just gone to Fareway and we had a grocery sack in the car because I ended up needing it! Yuck. It was awful.

I've been sleeping pretty well. Waking up only once to pee. That's annoying. I get really tired in the afternoon and then all night long. 

I'm hoping to start feeling some movement soon! Hopefully in the next couple of weeks. I felt Stella at 16 or 17 weeks. I thought that I was feeling baby a couple days ago while lying in bed, but I'm pretty sure it was just gas bubbles.

Baby is the size of an orange this week! 

~4 inches

2.5 ounces

14 week update

14 weeks

138 pounds

No food really sounds good lately, but nothing sounds so gross that I won't eat it.

I've been really tired lately! I took Stella swimming on Sunday and actually swam a little bit, rather than just stand around in the water with her, and I was exhausted after it. 

Sleep has been decent lately. We both fell asleep with Stella putting her to bed last night and even though we missed our show we were glad! We were both so tired yesterday. 

I got my maternity clothes back and boy am I glad! I know I got everything back, but I really thought I had more stuff than that. I got to go on a little shopping spree for myself :) That was fun. I got 8 shirts, a skirt, and a sweater for $120! 

I have a midwife appointment today. They're still not exciting yet. Just weigh, blood pressure, listen to baby, ask questions. Hopefully this week or my next appointment in 3 weeks I'll get to schedule my anatomy scan! Then I have a chiropractor appointment later in the afternoon and I'm actually really looking forward to that because after I slipped on the ice last week I'm sick of the unevenness I feel in my pelvis. 

Baby is the size of a lemon this week.

~3.4 inches

1.5 ounces

Baby has almost doubled in size from last week! 

Where is my patience?

Jesus, I've been out of control lately. My patience is zero. I've been getting so frustrated. Stella has been so challenging lately. Mornings have been a battle: waking up and getting dressed. She fights and cries and kicks and screams and doesn't want to wear ANYTHING she owns. I screamed at her this morning :( my sweet, precious girl was just having a rough time dealing with waking up and I screamed at her for it. When I saw the heartbreaking look on her face and the tears streaming from her eyes I began to cry, too. I scooped her up from her heap on the floor and rocked her and we cried together. I apologized for yelling and told her how special she is to me. She fought me to get dressed, but we got it done. This isn't the first time I've lost my cool and I'm sure it won't be the last. Hopefully future frustration outbursts won't be so severe, though. I just can't help but think I'm damaging her in some way. I need to work on my patience, bad. I have such a short fuse and she is so tough lately. She's definitely testing my limits lately. But she's two. That's what she does. Erik keeps reminding me of this. I also can't help but think she is the way she is because I'm doing something wrong. What could I be doing wrong? I'm not fully present when we're together. I don't play toys with her every time she asks. Sometimes I'm too worried about getting the house clean so she watches a movie 3 times in a row. I feel like I have so much to do and so little time to do it. I work. I have to spend time with Stella on my days off, but on those days off I still have to make sure the house gets picked up and cleaned periodically. The dishes need washed so we can eat. The laundry needs done so we have clean clothes to wear. Meals must be prepared so she and I can eat. Erik told me a couple weeks ago that he would take over laundry as long as I had it sorted for him. Awesome. But having to remind and nag someone to do something ain't my idea of a good time. I'd rather do it myself. Anyway... I need to chill, enjoy my daughter. Shes only going to be this little right now. She's only going to beg me to play tea party with her for hours for a little while. She's only going to ask, "Mama will you play with me?" For a few more years. I make myself so sad that I'm wasting some of this wonderful time with her. I've been crying so much lately because I feel like I'm failing. I'm her universe and I'm mean to her sometimes :( I'm not always a nice mama and I desperately need to work on that. I want Stella and I to have the relationship that I never had with my mom. I want to be her best friend, her rock, who she looks up to, who she thinks is the most beautiful lady she's ever seen. I want her to be proud of me like I'm proud of her. That can't happen if I'm mean and short tempered and impatient. Tomorrow I'll take the day an hour at a time and control myself and be a good mama. I promise.

Ultrasound!!

Woohoo!! We finally had our ultrasound tonight! I forgot how amazing they are! 

Baby measured 13 weeks exactly. 

Heartbeat was 155 bpm.

Baby was flipping and flopping and stretching itself out. It was opening and closing its mouth a lot and appeared to be sucking its thumb. Baby's position was head up and facing straight out. The ultrasound tech mentioned that baby is sitting right on my bladder. Thanks baby goose ;)

<--- This picture is the side view of baby. Head is on the left. Body is the large horizontal oval and there seems to be a little leg sticking up on the right side of the picture.

In this picture, baby's face is turned forward a little and has a hand up by the mouth. The ears, eyes and mouth are visible on the head. The big, black hole looking thing on the top of the head is the brain. 

13 week update

13 weeks

138 pounds

I'm still eating almost anything. I made some amazing beef stroganoff the other night that I'm craving now.

I've mostly got my energy back. I actually feel like cooking most days. 

Sleep has been terrible lately. A few nights ago I had nightmares all night long. The night after that I had weird dreams and Stella kicked me in the face in the middle of the night. I'm about to start sleeping in Stella's bed all by myself so I can at least try to get some decent sleep.

Pants still button, but maternity stuff is just more comfortable. Tonight I'm finally getting my maternity shirts back from the co worker I let borrow them.

We didn't end up having an ultrasound last week because the tech had strep throat. It's scheduled for tonight at 6:30!! Today can NOT go fast enough!  

Baby is the size of a peach this week.

~2.9 inches

.81 ounces

12 weeks

Update time!

12 weeks

137 pounds

I can eat mostly anything. Meat still doesn't sound the best, but I'll eat it. Fruit and fresh stuff sounds the best.

The only symptom I'm experiencing is a shrinking bra. My boobs are huge! 

Sleep has been ok lately. I feel like I'm usually not sleeping very soundly. Last night was glorious though! Stella didn't nap yesterday and went to sleep right at 8. SHE SLEPT ALL NIGHT LONG!!! We went to bed around 10 and I slept 10 hours straight. It was awesome.

My pants still button, but it's incredibly uncomfortable. I broke down and bought my first pair of maternity work pants. I'm afraid if I my hair tie trick on my blue pants much longer, I'll rip the button off. I really need to get the rest of my maternity clothes back from my old co worker because some of my shirts are starting to look ridiculous.

Tomorrow we're having an ultrasound!! I originally only wanted to have the 20 weeks scan, but that's not until April and I really want to see baby Goose sooner than that! 

Baby is the size of a plum this week.

~2.1 inches

.49 ounces